Also, my mother would probably try and find a way to get over to Finland if she doesn't know what is going on. She refused to get a passport because of the government. So she would end up in jail. And I don't want my mother in jail.
(hey mom, get a Skype so I can call home, please. I am annalee.sekulic)
I have not talked home since I arrived, something which I am very proud of. Thats why I haven't responded to Instagram, and emails, and face books from home. To be honest there have been times where that is all I wanted to do. And not for any reason of here, just because I want to hear a voice or tell a joke to someone who will slightly understand it. And if my calculations are correct, it has been a little bit more than half a month. This has been the toughest thing I have ever had to do and I am guessing I ever will do. I have felt the extremes of every emotion possible.
So to the future exchange students (you are probably researching countries, so here is the facts) You will miss home. Do not try to avoid it or be like "ohh culture shock isn't really going to happen because I am in a similar culture." No. No. No. You do not know everything. You actually know nothing. You will be lying to your self and being a little turd. So save your self the embarrassment. It is going to be hard no matter where you go.
My host sister was the one which taught me it was okay to confront your feelings. Face the feelings, its okay. The rain never apologize for falling. Feelings just are. Be really angry. Be super excited. Accept the Sadness. Accept the laughter. This leads to a few short stories!
I have a letter from my friend Ellie, I found it in a makeup back she gave me during and in the bottom of it there was a letter. It was my third day here when I sat down to read it, it was a damp morning as I sat on a big rock (its the details for when I read this 5 years down the road), I read it every morning now. It said that there would be tough days and that is okay because we are human. It said to remember the fan club rooting for you back home when you do have those tough days.
So thank you to you for reading this and it makes me feel comforted that little ohio is right there watching and rooting. You truly do not know how much that means. In my US history class we talk about little Wakeman a lot actually. I got to describe what a Mickeymart is and that we actually have drive your tractor to school day. That was actually really hard to describe whyyy we have that day.
One more story, and then I will get on to blogging about life and friends and weird foods.
It was the last two hour lecture at our training camp and in one of the slides it said, "remember what your mother taught you." I saw this resonated with all of us from all around the world. It meant the manners of not interrupting or chewing with your mouth full, but it also meant the little things like how to make flower crowns out of clovers (I showed Sade this) and how to boil rice the correct way. My mom back home made me walk to the bus because we are tough. She taught me to be tough. She taught me to look for kindness in the loneliness of places. She told me before I left that there would be tough days but god gave me two hand to pick myself up and breath and then carry on. To try again. I will always be thankful for my mom.
I went exploring the train system today (look for a different post about that because that was an adventure on its own) but I came home and laid on the couch and my Aiti looks at me and says "are you tired?" I just agreed, but then she looked again and asked if I miss home. I just looked at her and she ran over and hugged me. I couldn't hold it back then. She told me that it is okay and that she is proud of me. She told me that my mom back home misses me as much as I miss her. I am so happy for her. She is a mom to me too. My host sisters made me tea and they just let the feelings roll in. I told them stories of the tree forts and of how my father always did more than what was needed but he did it from his heart. And I just told about home. They felt with me.
My aiti then took me to the only open store (all stores are closed on Sundays) and she let me buy food which were close to home. I cooked a second dinner for everyone- peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches, fruit salad, and rice-o-roni(I brought one box, thank god.) The whole family woke up and gathered around the table and ate some wonderful home cooked food. They didn't enjoy the peanut butter and jelly.... strange... but then again I don't enjoy Salmiaki.
She just said good night to me and offered to come sleep in my room if I want. She told me that I am not alone.
I know I am not alone in the least. I have my moms. I have my families. I have my countries. I have myself.
I am tough mom. I walk to the train.
